During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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