i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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