What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
