Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
NoShamevember. You game?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
