did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
