Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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