Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
