im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
