I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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