my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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