Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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