As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
