I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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