Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
