Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
