I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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