I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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