He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
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What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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