can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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