It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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