Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
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it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
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You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.