Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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