is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
