1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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