i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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