Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Still dying that you shit outside
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
