I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
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