Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You are the jesus of drinking
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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