I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Those nachos came to me in a dream
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
