I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
