I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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