When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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