i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
