If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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