So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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