i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I deserve this hangover.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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