College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
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Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
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How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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