WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
