She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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