from now on my penis is your penis
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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