They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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