in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
