onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize