it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
