I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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