If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
