Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
