kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This is my gift to your gina
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
