Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
