I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize