i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
