It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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