This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
