they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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