im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
