He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
So vagazzling was a success
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
