The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
