look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
