I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
