I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
